Happy Mail For You!

Credits for picture here

Hello Leap Year Girl!

Yeah you, the one with the Birthday every four years.

This makes you how old now? Eight? What a young pup!

Last week I had a grand plan of sending you some happy mail. I read all about how a lady sends random things in the mail that are under 13oz. She simply puts a tag on them and sends them, as is. In turn, this makes people happy to see something random in their mailbox instead of the usual pile of bills. She has sent plastic Easter eggs, a stuffed to the brim with surprises plastic water bottle, and now my poor retention can't remember the rest. But trust me when I tell you they were awesome. Awesome ideas.

But I thought of you who finally gets to celebrate a real birthday (a million miles from me celebrating with you) and thought happy mail, brilliant!, you would love happy mail.

Am I right?

And that's when yesterday happened and I remembered that I was already two days late in sending any happy mail (picture my frowny face here) or any birthday goods at all (picture me feeling extremely guilty now), not even a card (slacker me!).

So in order for you to get some happy mail on your special day, this will take considerable effort on your part. You will need to go to the mailbox as you normally do. You will need to dream of anything you can come up with that makes you happy, and it's yours to treasure in your mind FOREVER! What a treat, right? And try and keep it under 13oz. I know how you love a good challenge and a little mystery.

Dreams are amazing, aren't they?

So what was it? I'm dying to know what I sent you.

Happy Birthday (to one of the best people I know). Hope you get to celebrate it up today!
Love you. Miss you. Thinking of you.

Gifts in Invisible Packaging, With Post Script.

God granted me another tender mercy today. I've been making it a mission to seek them out and acknowledge His hand in all things. It was quite similar to the one given me a short time ago.

For two months now, I have known that the Payne's (Jesi) were planning on moving... somewhere. Beginning in December through March I helped Tyson write a series of intent letters and essays to 6 different Universities. It was inevitable they would move, but still, when the news came that Tyson had been accepted into the Psychology Doctorate Program at George Fox University in OREGON, my heart sank. This is what he and Jesi had both wanted. I was so thrilled for them, but so sad for myself. Another friend moving on to bigger and better, or so I always imagine since I'm continually the other part of friendships who is left behind.

A few weeks later upon finding out of their moving date, I cried and cried some more. At work, at home, you name it, I was a mess. Jesi and I's friendship has meant so much to me and I hate to see her go. Mick consoled me some, reminding me that I always have a friend in him. Although that's true, there's nothing that compares a husband to a good girlfriend. Both good, both different.

Perusing the internet and checking my email that night a sweet message from Lael (tender mercy #1) appeared on my screen. With red swollen eyes I read:

     Jen, I think you are a star. I've been thinking and thinking about how much fun I had on our trip. I'm so grateful you invited me, it was really a great, meaningful, and fun trip. I'm glad to have you as a friend. Not only are you good company, but I trust your judgment socially and spiritually and as a parent and think you are a smarty pants. 

It was just a simple message that lifted my spirit out of it's pity party and reminded me of ALL the great friends the Lord has seen fit to put in my path, not just the ONE that is moving. Whether Lael felt inspired to send that note or not, I know I needed to receive it. In a crazy, grade school way, I needed the reassurance that I still had friends- that I wasn't being abandoned. Upon reading it again, this message still means so much to me.

Because I know I will see Jesi again and because time is tight for her with moving and last time visits with people, I decided not to compete for Jesi time although I wanted some. Not being one for competition or goodbyes anyway, we worked out a play date at the park last week and me taking her kids this morning so she and Tyson could pack.

As it turns out, (tender mercy #2) Vanessa was at my house when Jesi came to get her kids. The three of us chatted and laughed easy yet awkwardly by the car, Jesi's kids buckled inside. Then she said "I'm not saying goodbye" and gave both Vanessa and I a hug. Since hugs are rare from this lady, I knew this was her goodbye. With Vanessa beside me I was once again reminded that I wasn't alone, that I had friends and people who loved me for me. There was less pity and fear of saying goodbye, and more happiness for my friend and her new adventure. It allowed me peace and no tears. 

Upon writing this with a pile of tissues beside me, the tears have come steady, but I continue to feel peace. I'm grateful for invisible packages of tender mercies that show up when I need them. Once again, Anias Nin was right when she said:
     We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.
because I'm pretty sure Jesi, knowing my attachment issues so well, just saved me from a crying fest in two days when her moving van pulls out of town.

How I hate to see good friends go.   


P.S. My goodbye message sent to Jesi, a day later:

     Thanks for saving me a "goodbye" yesterday! I knew with your hug that it was the time. Even Vanessa remarked how you have a way of not making people cry with a goodbye.

Truthfully, I have been dreading that moment. I wasn't sure when I would do it, or if I could. So with that, I likely won't be coming to see you off. I wanted to, but, you know me and my attachment to people and issues with being left behind. Please take no offense that I'd rather not see you drive off into the sunset without me (aka- say goodbye). It makes me sad thinking about it. It's not like your dying on me or anything. Geez! But it feels like a death of sorts I suppose. However, I will miss you terribly! So much that Mick has already planned for me to visit you, sometime. That would be fun!

I know that when the stress of moving ends and you are settled that you will meet some fabulous new people and they will love you and get attached to you as much as those of us have known you here in Logan. Four years is a good amount of time to settle and create lasting friendships, and you have a gift of befriending.

Thank you for:

*Introducing me to banana pancakes, pure maple syrup, geocaching, Zumba, bipolar issues, marriage therapy and healthy self introspection.

* Being honest, helpful, understanding and nonjudgmental and helping me through life's issues.

God put you in my life for a reason and I will be forever grateful for our friendship and cherish our awesome times together. I will miss you and your cute family. My best to Tyson in school and to you on your job hunt.

Be good, and give me a call when you are settled. Would love to hear of your adventures. Drive safely.

Love,
Jen





 

Acoustic Yumminess!

Knowing my love for

Brandi Carlile,

and the lovely

Jewel,

Rani invited me up to Boise for their concert at the Botanical Gardens.
Every song and moment was well worth the four hour drive. Brandi sounds fabulous live! Just her and her guitar. Mmm was she sweet. Brandi ended too soon as she was Jewel's headliner, so I hope to head back when she has her own show with her band. Can't get enough of that lady!

Jewel was equally as great. She wrote a new song for Boise, There is no Z, in Boise, the crowd went crazy. She also sang one of my all time favorite songs Somewhere over the Rainbow sans her guitar, and yodled- really fast- for us. Her new album is considered county though the acoustic version of each song reminds me of all her past greats.

Both Musians were hilariously funny. It made for a night of laughter and music. Even the Camera Nazi got our adrenaline pumping as Rani acted like a sniper in order to snap a few photos. I was her Nazi lookout, and I kid you not, I hope Nazi was paid good money for her keen eye for cameras! She was on it. Her distinction between camera and phone was a talent whether at 50 or 200 yards out. Amazing! I've never seen such dedication to a job in all my life. She really should receive a presidential award... or something.

Alas, with the threat of concert eviction and camera confiscation looming overhead, Rani was able to snap a few shots that worked. See Jewel, right behind us? It was indeed a miracle that Camera Nazi didn't notice us breaking the law!

Tawna accompanied me and drove us on the road trip. She probably learned more then she ever desired to know about me. I should really learn to shut my trap. Anyhow, the company was great and I'm always up for a good road trip with great ladies!
Thanks for driving Tawna. I still owe you money!
Thanks for hosting Rani.

Forgiveness and Acceptance

What I wish I would have had clarity to say to my mother after she told me to "go see a doctor" for telling her I didn't want to do it anymore:

-----

Few things bolster up enough spirit and push to keep motivated with the menial parts of life. You know those parts well if you're a mother, a housewife. We all reach a brink of enough. Where you do what needs to be done until you're blue in the face and declare with as much child-like fit as you can get away with- "I'm done", "I don't want to do it anymore" or "I quit". Spoken verbally or not.

If you're honest, you've had at least one of these moments in your committed relationships. A moment where amid tearful distress of inadequacy, failure, or boredom you believe there is more that defines you then the menial. There has got to be more!

Haven't good housewives, good mothers felt these periods of personal loss?

What about the mother idling in her filled-to-the-brim minivan next to you at the stoplight? She looks happy, content with it all. "Be happy and content" becomes your new mantra. A woman seen washing dishes and wiping continuously dirty counters in her dim lit kitchen seems normal. Could you embrace normal with a dishcloth on your shoulder and a wet rag between your fingers? You know you have talents and abilities beyond the daily grind that are screaming to get out of your head and be utilized. Energy and drive to chase your dreams until you sit down on any given surface for two minutes too long and find your mind spent from dreaming, your body tired from the toil of the menial.

Hitting the pillow you lie down with heavy eyes and heart praying that upon waking with the sunrise, you'll be given strength enough to do normal, to do content happily, one day at a time. Praying that patience will still your dreams of tomorrow for yet another season while you fulfill your dreams of yesterday. Even the menial that was hidden in the soil underneath yesterdays greener grass you wanted so badly to grow.

-----

What I expected from my mother was a you're not alone speech, a "You can do it, keep going!" An "I've been there before, in fact one time I..." or a "Mrs Full Minivan and Dirty Counter Washer at one point have felt the same way, they've just never voiced it." from my mother would have given me assurance and peace I needed from someone who was seemingly like me. I would have realized normality in my imperfections of inadequacy and self doubt sooner rather then later. All I interpreted was "YOU ARE CRAZY for feeling how you feel!"

Now I'm learning forgiveness and acceptance. Both have been equally as difficult to grasp as moments of mothering and housewifery. Forgiveness given to my mother for viewing me as nuts during my moment of need and for destroying my confidence to council with her has not come without its boundaries for the future. Acceptance in knowing that although my struggles may not be her struggles, I also accept that she continues to do her best at mothering the way she knows how. What more can I ask of her as her daughter? Is that not all I can hope my children will expect of my mothering efforts now and in their future when they say "I don't want to do it anymore" Heaven forbid if I have to retract wrong words.

The Boat.

Once again, Jesi and I had a lovely girls trip. This time consisting of a 13 hour, radio free, there and back (which turned into about 16 hours- darn those google maps and the possibility of night time mammals entering road ways) to Steamboat Springs Colorado. Road trips rock, and it is always a good thing that Jes and I can talk FOREVER. Boy did our great skill of talking come in handy during this long trip. LOVE this LADY!

Our initial decision was either Steamboat or Arches NP, but we opted for pampered vs. hauling all our camp goods. The downside was sacrificing sun for snow. I'm so happy we chose Colorado, as Jesi's timeshare was posh and Steamboat snow is still pretty, white and fluffy. I felt better returning to Logan when the Condo Consierge told us Steamboat snow stays until the end of April and sometimes makes an appearance on July forth. YUCK!

(The Village, by Wyndham)

(Steamboat souvenir pic for Aspen- A Potato Jump-she's been teaching me!)

Our first night we got all dolled up and walked closer into town for Indian Cuisine. Little did we know the restaurant closed early. We found a cute little green dinosaur named Sinclair instead. He thought I looked hot and wanted to take me off to sunshine, lush gardens and a quiet blue lake. Naturally, I didn't object, so I hopped on. Somehow, he just could not budge. His friend down the street had a saddle, so I'm certain they were migrating somewhere great with some lucky souls just as soon as the end of April hits. Arches maybe? Hope Sinclair picks me up!

(Steamboat souvenir Pic for Dinosaur lover Liberty)

Seriously, isn't he handsome? I had to give him a kiss, mostly because this was my sole chance to kiss a dinosaur at a height I could reach his lovely lips. Next I bid him farewell and wished him well on his migratory journey.

Jes and I stayed up late, woke up early, lounged around and barely lifted a finger, (or our butts) the next day until 3 PM! Not even the shower was turned on. We ate microwavable chocolate cakes and pop for lunch then decided we had better head up to Fish Creek for a snowshoe adventure and a spot to hide our cache while the light was still available.

(Fish Creek Falls- frozen on top, but nonetheless, beautiful.)

We found the perfect spot for our cache. Have an urge to find it? This rock is the only hint your going to get. Go to geocache.com, look up Letters Never Sent, grab your GPS, download the coordinates, bring snowshoes (unless it's after July 4th!) and a good buddy and head to Steamboat. Good time. Trust me.

On our return to town we treated our stinky, hungry selves to Indian before they closed and WOW authentic Indian flavors are divine! Chicken Tikki Korma- I highly recommend it. Next the Hot Tub called our names for an hour, then the dry sauna.

Life is so hard when your on vacation!

We spent the night in the computer Lab downloading our cache coordinates, writing letters to fill the Ammo box, and setting up a Travel Bug key, which will soon be making its way around the world and back home to its rightful owner. What a relief it will be to finally send it home, track where it goes, and see it make it to its intended destination. Stay tuned: On the blog, I plan to follow the key on its trip.

Sunday the wind was wicked cold and whipping up a good chill when we took another trip up to Fish Creek to place the cache. Good company made the trip full of laughter and that got the blood pumping to warm us.

(Thanks to "Smith and Edwards Surplus Store, just of Highway 89 at the Willard Bay turn off"- you know the jingle- I found this sweet cache box. Steamboat Souvenir Pic for Abbie)

Forgetting it was daylight savings, because who really remembers that kind of stuff on vacation anyway, we got back to the condo to find our door locked and the key disabled. We were a half hour past check-out time. Oops!

After listening to a marketing spill, earning $50 bucks, and seeing a man cry finger tears after denying him a $300.00 commission by refusing a $12,000.00 Deal you can't refuse! to purchase more condo time- we ate lunch on him and were out of Steamboat.

(Steamboat, well Wyoming souvenir pic for Mick. Knew you'd appreciate this one babe!)

Lovely Jen time spent with Jesi- including hours in the silver bullet. I could not ask for a better friend in life. I'm already anticipating our next trip. Sunshine for sure! Any other ladies want to catch a ride with Sinclair and his buddy to Arches, Mesa Verde, or Grand Stair Case with Jesi and I in the summer? The more the merrier!

THANKS to Uncle Cody and Grandma P. for last minute help with and care taking of my sickly man and the girls while I was away. Such service! Thank You, Thank you, THANK YOU! I owe you big time. Love you both.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Valentines Day 8

I love:

My sister-in-laws

This may come as no surprise, but everyday as a little girl I used to pray for a sister. Little did I know that mom and dad had that prayer halted in the form of NO MORE KIDS, shortly after I was born. Oh well, I always wanted my sister to be older anyway (looking on the bright side). Meanwhile, I kept praying. Obliviously a sister never came. I survived, but I have felt jipped all my life. Why I have felt jipped is another story.

Now I have seven- count them, SEVEN sister-in-laws! Miracles never cease! Prayers are answered! Just never how we imagine they should be. Each sister-in-law has been a tremendous support in friendship, and sisterhood to me. They are beautiful inside and out, and each one means something special to me that is all their own.

On my side is Julie, who is married to my oldest brother. On Micks side there is - Lisa, Kala, Breanne, Tawna, Tabbi and Katrina (in birth order). I rarely, if ever, have told each of them that I love them. I felt and expressed such love to one once, and she broke my heart when she divorced my brother. Darn I hate that that event has my heart closed a little! I'm healing slowly.

To list all the reasons why I love each one might give me instant carpel tunnel (blessings grow exponentially), but I want to list one reason I admire each of them for who they are.

Julie-
- Julie has an amazing ability to put up with my brother. Kidding. Or maybe not.
What I admire in Julie is her stalwart work ethic. She is one busy woman taking on the demands of career and family life. Oh, and have I mentioned I love her boys? They are so great. She is a great mother, and her children are proof of her hard work.

Lisa-
-In the few short times I've spent with Lisa, I have felt a close connection to her. I cannot wait to spend more time with her. She is too far away on the east coast. Her humor is what I love most about her. It is intelligent, funny, well placed and witty. I could laugh for hours with her around.

Kala-
-I love that Kala is always up for a good time and that she values play. I admire her ability to join her family together and organize an entire event into a wonderful time for two reasons. First, I trust that her activities will be super fun and inclusive of children, and second, I have no stress worrying about planning a thing! Planning is so stressful. She makes it look like a piece of cake because she's good at it. A truly amazing feat when it comes to the Perkins Clan.

BreAnne-

-BreAnne is Mick's brother's wife. She is honest in everything she says and I admire that in her. There is much to be said about a person who speaks the truth. She will tell you straight up how she feels, or what she thinks. I wish I was better at this sometimes. She is also great with kids and doesn't let them pull any fast ones!

Tawna-
(Here's that picture I told you I'd get to you FOREVER AGO- sorry! Or maybe it was this one-
-I love that Tawna is an outstanding example of womanhood to my daughters. She loves them, spends time with them, gets involved with their joys and their sorrows and demands nothing from them. This is precisely why they love her so much and feel comfortable with her. It is a relief to know that if something should ever happen to me, my children would learn from her what I would want for them to know most. We have similar views and ideals, and I trust her implicitly.

Tabbi-
-Tabbi sets her sights high. She is a great example to me of living life to the fullest, chasing your dreams and achieving what you set out to do. People are important to her and she's always thinking of who would like what, and giving gifts. Sometimes I wish she would just chill instead of running at full speed. Once in a while when I catch a glimpse of her still- she is sleeping.

Katrina-
-Katrina is very talented. I admire her bravery in sharing her talents. She has no fear in putting herself out there. She's an excellent writer, photographer and lover of music. I've known her since she was five and have loved seeing her grow. She keeps me feeling young by sharing all her great stories and adventures.

Thanks for being you ladies! I appreciate your individuality and all that you teach me.

Girls Night Out

Why can't every night out be a GNO?

Salmon, salad, sweet potato and rolls.

Chocolate purses and decadence.

Geo caching haunted hot spots.

Conversations and melodious laughter.

A weekly tradition might be the next best thing.

First Annual Girls Trip- Bryce Canyon 2009

WARNING- picture fest.

This trip was against the odds from the beginning. Car trouble, lack of babysitters, figuring out husbands schedules, colds on the horizon. Organizing three (used to be four)women to come together leaving their families without mommies and wives is a challenge. Seems a high achievement that our girls trip to Bryce sailed on through and has now come to a close without any real incident on our home fronts. Miracle indeed. Almost makes me want to plan another trip for next weekend!

As Jesi and I headed out of town, we stopped to pick me up a new pair of Chacos. However could I hike for miles with a slit in the bottom of my 10 year trusted pair? I was in desperate need. Couldn't be more pleased with a purchase that took less than 10 minutes.

We made it to Provo, switched cars with mom- THANKS MOM!- and Jesi had a chance to meet most of my family who coincidentally showed up at the same time as us. We ventured on to Bryce chatting it up the whole way without even listening to a single tune on the stereo. Blessed be great girl conversation for 5+ hours.

By 9.pm we arrived at Sunset Campground, set up camp and relaxed with feet up under a warm milky way that twinkled light above. Tired from a long days drive, we headed to bed but stayed up laughing our guts out and taking three, count it THREE trips to the potty before we committed to 'good night' at nearly 1 a.m. All this laughing made my mommy bladder slightly weak. I was reminded why I loved having roommates at college. Few things are better than late night conversations and giggles between good friends, or if one is so lucky... a sister.

At 7:30 neighboring campers awoke. Car doors slammed, engines started and I could no longer sleep. While Jesi blissfully slept, I drove down to Ruby's Inn and called to see where Alisa was on her journey from Vegas. Alisa and I met up, exchanged hugs after a three+ year absence and continued up to our campsite like the kids we've been since second grade. Being with Alisa has a familiarity that I had forgotten. She is still the same... although different. How refreshing!


We ate a hardy breakfast fit for Queens. Ziplock Omelets with garden veges and cheese, packed lunch and we were off on our hiking adventure to Sheep Creek and Swamp Creek for 5+ miles.

Alisa loving on my binoc. baby

Starting out

Action shot amid the red rocks

Halfway

Hours of hiking, talking, hearing woodpeckers squirrels and birds, and only seeing three other hikers made for a splendid afternoon.

Our tired bodies lead us back to camp for more water, then on to the gift shop for souvenirs, ice and firewood. Next up were all the overlooks we could drive to. A sweet old man enjoying the scenery told us we were entirely too happy and that it should be illegal. "And we're not even drunk", I said, though I'm sure he did not believe me. I honestly don't remember what conversations we all had, just that we laughed ourselves silly, had to use the bathroom at every sight of a facility, and had a blast.

It was a long full day complete with tin foil dinners, marinated chicken and stir fried veges from the garden. We stayed up taking pictures and giggly trips to the bathroom for about an hour and then crashed.


Alisa left early the next morning for Vegas, I woke up to visit the sunrise on the rim and Jessi slept in.


On our way home, Jesi introduced me to geocaching. Where people hide random things in cache boxes all over the world and then others can go searching for the cache based on GPS coordinates. We journeyed to Tropic Reservoir to find Keyhole Arch and cache. After bushwhacking it straight up a face, just following our compass, eventually we located the trail that wound us to the arch and behind a Pinyon pine snag where the army box lay. We took a package of fake nail for the girls and left .96 cents. What a fun mystery! I'm so ready to purchase a Rhino GPS so I can geocache everywhere I go.

Good times with some great friends. Can't wait to do it again soon!

Dear Jesi,

This morning while digging my neighbors hole (another story for you), a old little song came blaring through my Ipod headphones. You decorated my life- by Kenny Rogers. I know you are probably laughing hysterically right now and thinking, "Really Jen, Kenny?", but honestly this song, or rather that line, made me think of you. I was forced to stop digging, remove my dirty gloves and wipe a few tears from my cheeks for fear passersby might see me! You know me and crying. Hate it!!!

You really have decorated my life and I will miss our morning sisterly talks. Miss them, terribly! How ever will I survive my days? Who will I share all my deep dark secrets with? Can you imagine the mess I 'm going to be when you actually move...all the way to the coast? Okay, let's not think about that...

Now will be the true test. I might actually have to call you and have conversations. You know I'm not good at that. For you, I will be. I won't be able to make it through the days without your caffeine! You are my green tea sister!

And speaking of sister...

I guess, I'll be your 'mom', although that makes me feel very old, and shafted, as far as the deal goes, but you really have become a sister to me. An older one, because let's face it, little sisters are whiny and annoying and you do not fit that category. Also, if I'm going to be the 'mom', then I must age you just a tad too, it's only fair! Honestly though, I consider you the older sister I always wanted, even if you are four years younger than me. Thank for filling the role willingly, and putting up with my whining and annoying little sister parts.

Looking forward to our weekly trips to the park, our girls getaway(let's get it down in that planner of yours), continued conversations on the phone, and more of your timeless wisdom and random statistics!

Work will not be the same without you, but I'm happy you made the right choice for you and your family. Just know you can change your mind at any time and I will make Heidi hire you back! Thank you for being such a great friend, really getting me, never judging and always encouraging. Your a breath of fresh air!

Since your not deceased and this letter makes it sound like you've gone the way of the wind, I will now stop.

Love you ( hugging you without arms here),
Jen

p.s. I stole your cute pic!

If I Had a Sister

If I had a sister, I would have called her on the phone today. I would have asked her if she had a minute, and in between the pitched broken parts of my 'do you have a minute', she would interrupt and sincerely inquire “what's wrong”. Then the rains would fall.

She would earnestly listen to the last hours events as I unfolded them piece by piece through frustrated lips. How I despise being judged as dumb, or uneducated, or as just a woman and another failing mother to her children. I would tell her how I inexplicably loathe that my reaction to that judgment is exactly how the judge has prejudged me to be. A cowering, unsure, silent, numb-faced female looking up at the all knowing through my eyelashes. When in reality, my vocal cords are shaking from forcing back my words that so badly want to defend. And that as I hurried to pick up all the kids to escape the moment, my throat was constricting and my eyes became clouded over till I felt safe to let the rains pour down.

Then my bipartisan self, my logical what-was-my part-in-this self would quickly question. Question my insecurities. Question how I tick. Question why I do the things I do. What I could have done differently, better. How I should have handled the situation. Should I have been more assertive? I would remind my self and my sister how I know I'm so much better then that person made me feel I was. That I know differently because I AM ME for heavens sake, this is MY life! I have the power to decide how I should feel. Sister would enthusiastically agree while adding insightful criticism on the situation. Criticism that I had already considered myself. Some how with her saying it, I would understand it more fully.

“Why must I coil this way? Do you react the same way?”, I would ask my sister. After all, we would be the product of the same environment and gene pool. “I'm a strong person, people don't usually offend me, I roll things of my shoulder, but this... this affects me... do you share my same reaction from the Chauvinistic Man Syndrome”? Then we would discuss the Chauvinistic Man Syndrome and have a few laughs in between my serious take on how those types of men have influenced me.

My sister would see my point and then ask “but today, wasn't it a woman”?

“Yes, yes it was”, I would reply.

“But the principles the same”, she'd say.

“Yes”, I would say feeling understood, “my reaction is the same”.

Reality is, I don't have a sister, so I can't call her on the phone today. She will not be my cheerleader, my water boy, or my coach. I have to manage a few lines on a screen and sort the situation out myself. But if I did have a sister, I think she'd remind me about the one avenue I do have. Prayer. Often I forget it in my daily haste to try and figure things out myself.