Gifts in Invisible Packaging, With Post Script.

God granted me another tender mercy today. I've been making it a mission to seek them out and acknowledge His hand in all things. It was quite similar to the one given me a short time ago.

For two months now, I have known that the Payne's (Jesi) were planning on moving... somewhere. Beginning in December through March I helped Tyson write a series of intent letters and essays to 6 different Universities. It was inevitable they would move, but still, when the news came that Tyson had been accepted into the Psychology Doctorate Program at George Fox University in OREGON, my heart sank. This is what he and Jesi had both wanted. I was so thrilled for them, but so sad for myself. Another friend moving on to bigger and better, or so I always imagine since I'm continually the other part of friendships who is left behind.

A few weeks later upon finding out of their moving date, I cried and cried some more. At work, at home, you name it, I was a mess. Jesi and I's friendship has meant so much to me and I hate to see her go. Mick consoled me some, reminding me that I always have a friend in him. Although that's true, there's nothing that compares a husband to a good girlfriend. Both good, both different.

Perusing the internet and checking my email that night a sweet message from Lael (tender mercy #1) appeared on my screen. With red swollen eyes I read:

     Jen, I think you are a star. I've been thinking and thinking about how much fun I had on our trip. I'm so grateful you invited me, it was really a great, meaningful, and fun trip. I'm glad to have you as a friend. Not only are you good company, but I trust your judgment socially and spiritually and as a parent and think you are a smarty pants. 

It was just a simple message that lifted my spirit out of it's pity party and reminded me of ALL the great friends the Lord has seen fit to put in my path, not just the ONE that is moving. Whether Lael felt inspired to send that note or not, I know I needed to receive it. In a crazy, grade school way, I needed the reassurance that I still had friends- that I wasn't being abandoned. Upon reading it again, this message still means so much to me.

Because I know I will see Jesi again and because time is tight for her with moving and last time visits with people, I decided not to compete for Jesi time although I wanted some. Not being one for competition or goodbyes anyway, we worked out a play date at the park last week and me taking her kids this morning so she and Tyson could pack.

As it turns out, (tender mercy #2) Vanessa was at my house when Jesi came to get her kids. The three of us chatted and laughed easy yet awkwardly by the car, Jesi's kids buckled inside. Then she said "I'm not saying goodbye" and gave both Vanessa and I a hug. Since hugs are rare from this lady, I knew this was her goodbye. With Vanessa beside me I was once again reminded that I wasn't alone, that I had friends and people who loved me for me. There was less pity and fear of saying goodbye, and more happiness for my friend and her new adventure. It allowed me peace and no tears. 

Upon writing this with a pile of tissues beside me, the tears have come steady, but I continue to feel peace. I'm grateful for invisible packages of tender mercies that show up when I need them. Once again, Anias Nin was right when she said:
     We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.
because I'm pretty sure Jesi, knowing my attachment issues so well, just saved me from a crying fest in two days when her moving van pulls out of town.

How I hate to see good friends go.   


P.S. My goodbye message sent to Jesi, a day later:

     Thanks for saving me a "goodbye" yesterday! I knew with your hug that it was the time. Even Vanessa remarked how you have a way of not making people cry with a goodbye.

Truthfully, I have been dreading that moment. I wasn't sure when I would do it, or if I could. So with that, I likely won't be coming to see you off. I wanted to, but, you know me and my attachment to people and issues with being left behind. Please take no offense that I'd rather not see you drive off into the sunset without me (aka- say goodbye). It makes me sad thinking about it. It's not like your dying on me or anything. Geez! But it feels like a death of sorts I suppose. However, I will miss you terribly! So much that Mick has already planned for me to visit you, sometime. That would be fun!

I know that when the stress of moving ends and you are settled that you will meet some fabulous new people and they will love you and get attached to you as much as those of us have known you here in Logan. Four years is a good amount of time to settle and create lasting friendships, and you have a gift of befriending.

Thank you for:

*Introducing me to banana pancakes, pure maple syrup, geocaching, Zumba, bipolar issues, marriage therapy and healthy self introspection.

* Being honest, helpful, understanding and nonjudgmental and helping me through life's issues.

God put you in my life for a reason and I will be forever grateful for our friendship and cherish our awesome times together. I will miss you and your cute family. My best to Tyson in school and to you on your job hunt.

Be good, and give me a call when you are settled. Would love to hear of your adventures. Drive safely.

Love,
Jen