Forgiveness...

And not just because it's Sunday, has been on my mind for a while.

Logically, happiness- especially the peace that comes with it, can never truly be ours without granting forgiveness. With that knowledge then, why can it be so difficult to forgive, make amends, and move on? I like to think the answer has more levity than the standard pride assumption. Pride is multifaceted and I'm sure its evil tentacles have warped my mind on any given occasion, but what about fear?

Fear is a huge hurdle in forgiveness. I've always believed in the atonement. I've used it to be forgiven. I typically do not hold a grudge, but this time it's different. Granting forgiveness to another has been difficult.

There is:
Fear of letting someone in again.
Fear of trusting.
Fear of navigating the unknown space where you forgive and then pick up the pieces to move on.
Fear of what comes from forgiveness.
Fear of a lack of faith in myself.
Fear in the process.
Fear that forgiveness expresses love but also acceptance of treatment.
Fear in the change forgiveness shows.
Fear of forgetting.
Fear of building boundaries but showing love at the same time.
Fear of newly built boundaries being easily crossed.
Fear of admitting I might have a part, despite my pride saying otherwise.

Which begs the question: is fear merely a facet of pride? Pride where fears about forgiveness are based on forgiving solely by my own power alone, not by the full use of the atonement?

Yes, I think that may be it. Relying entirely upon oneself to forgive may be the epitome of pride. Sometimes I forget I don't have to do it by myself, only that I must do it.

Doctrine and Covenants 64:10
I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

Ephesians 4:31-32
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour and evil speaking be put away from you, will all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Slowly getting there.