Aim High

So I set some unrealistic expectations of items to get done the past two days although some were accomplished. Always aim high, that's my motto!

I managed to go buy flowers and vegetable plants and plant half my flowers. I emptied a whole truck bed of compost (by myself) into my garden boxes, one flat-tire wheelbarrow load at a time. Back and forth, back and forth. Go me! Last year the boxes were not as full as I had wished. Thankfully, my friend Regina's mom was in town and wanted to take my kids to the park with her grandchildren. With Abbie down for her nap at the same time, I scraped every last morsel of soil from the truck in just over an hour! Efforts without children in toe occur so much easier.-Many thanks to willing souls!

I hit the road for my long run on Saturday night because it took me all day to really want to get 'er done if you catch my drift. But oh it felt so good! Why did I not start my day with that momentum? Next Saturday I'm heading out early. Promise. I love to run to Snow Patrol. Highly recommend their music.

Lifted on Friday-that was easy. Not go crazy- you'll have to ask Mick and the girls if I accomplished this task, as they have a pretty good handle on my emotions from minute to minute. I would say I did well. I did not even attempt to finish refinishing the cabinet. It still lies in its same place as of a month ago. I wonder how many more months it will remain?

Life is busy.

As for the paint scraping...it never ends. The ligaments in my arms are even tired of it already. Just when I think I'm done with a section I scrape again and off flies some more loose paint. Oh the joys! This activity lent me hours of contemplation and pondering about many things. What else can a mindless job such as paint scraping provoke?

One characteristic I discovered in myself is that I care and that it hurts me when people do not.

Because many environmental factors contributed to my over all growth, you know nature vs. nurture, I hold onto people. What they say, what they do, and more importantly what they don't say and do. I'm not sure why I'm like this, but I am. I loathe that these interactions or lack thereof affect me. I wish I had an on/off sensitivity switch that allowed me to pick and choose which peoples actions I'm willing to take on, and which peoples actions I can still disapprove of but easily turn off with my switch.

I know many people with this great ability. I envy it. And in the quiet moments when my brain shuts down (like in the case of paint scraping) from it's daily menagerie, I'm left to contemplate matters of the heart that weigh me down and then I come to my own coping conclusions. One of which is this:

I figure if people really want to be a friend they will put in the effort as well.

Simple, I know. But it is too taxing on me to take on one-sided relationships in any shape or form. I cannot do it anymore. I'm not sure I even understand why I feel like I need to. Can't I just be kind to people and let them go on their marry way? Why do I feel the need to create a friendship bond with every walking person? Maybe I'm accepting of people for how they are but rationalizing how their behavior affect me? Social behavior and people lives interest me, that could be it! Maybe I lack a sisterly bond where I would have earned my desperately needed switch? Maybe I fear losing great people in my life who have been around for years and so I'm afraid to speak up. Those sound good to chalk up my issue to!

With that said, I dearly love all the people I forge relationships with (maybe that is the problem!) and esteem them all highly. Thank you to all the many loved ones and friends who bring the best out in me, who encourage me, who love me. You few who I'm blessed to count on two or more hands, life would not be the same without you!

Now somebody get over here and talk to me while I scrape paint so I don't have to have these thought provoking contemplations of self! There is WAY TO MUCH paint left to scrape! My head is starting to hurt as much as my arms.