What does marriage mean?

Tomorrow my brother is wedding his three year(+) girlfriend Shawna, in a short backyard ceremony. Then they are off to Hawaii. I'm thrilled for them. Hawaii and marriage. Jeff has craved a stable companion, someone to come home too, for quite a while. When Shawna proposed, of course he said yes.

With Jeff and Shawna's impending wedding, my 12 year anniversary has passed. “What does it mean to be married”  is a question I've asked myself several times as of late. Twelve years is long time. A short time. Possibly each day I'm learning the answer to that question. 

I remembered the confident security of Mick and I's decision to marry. It did not come lightly for me. I was young. We were both young. I wanted to finish school. I wanted Mick to finish school. A lifetime laying  before us both. Could we join two together and create one? I loved Mick, but was that enough? "What if you die on me" was my fear, "then what?".  Taking my choice to the Lord I was blessed to go forward with faith, trusting in my decision. 

Our blistering hot wedding day flew by in a hurry. Early morning hair with good friends, little make-up and I was ready for the start of a life changing day. Against mom's wishes of the groom seeing the bride before the wedding, Mick picked me up and we drove that early morning to the temple. He looked so calm, clean, handsome and happy. I felt like a Queen riding off into the sunrise with in the Bronco with His Royal Handsomeness. Every bride should be escorted to her wedding by her fiancee.  

Sixty-nine brides were wed that same day. Mass production, LDS style. Dressed in our wedding white, a temple matron joined Mick and I together and lead us up to the Celestial room to await our turn for the next available sealing room. When the elevator door opened the room looked like heaven. Rays from the brightest sunrise poured through stained glass windows and reflected off a giant chandelier causing every surface to glisten and sparkle. We sat side by side on a love seat, holding hands, soon to be man and wife. An overwhelming confirmation of assurance and love filled my entire being, so much so that it pushed nearly every ounce of water out my tear ducts and down my face. Good thing for little make-up.

A sealing ceremony, of which I remember very little (due to over productive tear ducts), was performed with most of Mick's family and few of mine in attendance. Just like that, with one word of acceptance from both of us making covenants with each other and God; we kissed, exchanged rings and were officially married. All my worries, fears and the challenges of engagement were gone. Only peace, security and hope remained. I had made the right choice and felt it.

Then the first year as Mr. and Mrs. Perkins began. It held both hard and easy times. A case of an independent female and an over protective male. It was slightly stifling, or out of control depending on whose opinion you took. We worked out the kinks with love notes, Friday night mouse hunting dates, working hard and putting each other through school.

Pivotal points when we grew together consisted of job searches, graduations, home buying, and birthing children. Ironically those same things have separated us by our differing opinions. Mick and I are night and day, black and white in almost every aspect of life. For the most part our hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes complement each other in their opposition. All the other times, they usually only seem to irritate the independent one. Compromise has always been the key, though not always pleasant. Happiness comes when we have tried to put the others happiness above our own and love each other in the way we both need it. We seem to relearn this on a daily basis but after 12 years, are getting better.

I'm grateful I went on love and faith and became Mick's companion. I'm so grateful I had half of a 21 year old brain to not let him go. I'm grateful to have him in my life. So grateful that our love, although different now, has grown exponentially over time to become indescribable.

I love Mick so much. He really is my best friend. After 12 years he will often surprise me with his reaction, understanding, and kind words when I need them most. Could we finally be understanding one another? Not a day goes by that I imagine life to be much different when it comes to the basics: a man who loves and respects me, a husband that fills his spiritual and temporal roles as a great provider, husband and daddy; and (mostly) happy children to make up our crazy family.

Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but those great moments spent in the park make up for all the garbage that's littered around in between visits. I look forward to many more walks in the park and a little less litter which always seems to challenge my faith. Maybe this is what it means to be married.