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It is just as well, considering this blog is really just the internal dialogue that plays in my head. Mostly for my own benefit, and for posterity, do I boldly write it all down. Often times I'm more comfortable spouting when I figure no one is reading. I will continue this approach.
Which leads me to today's thoughts:
1- How in the FREAK did I let myself get so overweight?
2- Why in the FREAK can I not swear off sugar and its evil tentacles that enslave me?
Looks as though number 2 may be my answer for number one. Dang! I was hoping there was some genetic malformation I could pin number 1 on.
Number two could kill me. Literally even. To think I was so over sugar almost two years ago. I feel like a yo-yo on the sugar rope. Could someone please throw me a a more confident yo-yoateer? You know, the person who controls the yo- yo? Aka- me.
I know the road, the twists and turns of losing weight. I've been down that path before (three times too many, in fact!). I even have a few road maps handy just in case I veer on a wrong road and have one of those 'lost' days, or weeks, on my journey. The problem is that I'm having trouble starting the car.
Don't get me wrong. The car works- just fine, minus a few weird noises, joint issues and some dents. I trust it to get me from point a to point b. I just need some gas. Some serious petrol.
One would think I have plenty of gas riding around in my fat cells that seem to be ever expanding. Proof that shouts with a neon sign "gas 1 mile ahead". Fat should be a good visual 'gas' indicator. But it is not. Instead of motivating, it just depresses me.
Alas, weight issues are my lot in life. My never ending battle. My whipping boy. My drill sergeant. My emotional indicator. I'm not going to lie. Fat is my most loathed companion in life. I would like to be rid of 40 lbs of it. FOREVER! Long term goal of course.
The effort it takes to bust it away is overwhelming. The time frame seems too long, yet too short.
People keep telling me it's the little changes that count the most. Little changes only work when you continue them. This I know all too well. I'm weak when it comes to little changes. Throw some big ones, and I'll learn to deal with them. It's those pesky little ones that evade me.
Little changes. Herein lies the secret to gassing up this old car and getting it going down the right road. Heaven help me.
Wish me luck. Prayers may sound ridiculous, but are much appreciated.
Pounds to lose: 40
Little changes to start with this week:
Weigh myself daily (scales scare me!)- but this will keep me on target.
Drink 32 ounces of water- every morning.
Sugar on Saturday and Sunday only (for now!)
Take measurements every Saturday morning.
Good luck with the sugar rationing! And I mean that in a positive way, not the sarcastic good luck with that kind of way.
ReplyDeleteSugar has been on my mind alot lately, and in my mouth for that matter. I always crash after I eat too much and that usually leads to me getting a serious case of the lazies. More water is going to be my goal too. Brushing my teeth when I'm getting a craving helps, or just chewing gum or sucking on a breath mint. I also just heard about these audio downloads called "weight loss from the inside out", I haven't listened but they are supposedly pretty motivating.
ReplyDeleteYou know I work in an eating disorder treatment center, and we focus on Intuitive Eating. There is a book, you should read it. It's called "Intuitive Eating." It's not a weight loss tool, but it will help you gain control of the eating part and you can focus on the exercise part. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteOh and just because I work there, doesn't mean I'm a pro at it either. It takes a lot of work, but it's a great concept.
Let me know!
Thanks Iann and Annie for the recommendations. I will check them out. What was that documentary Annie? I forgot already. Thanks for the well wishes Kayce.
ReplyDelete