Chalk Another One up to Her File

Aspen received yet another white slip this last Friday.
Aspen came home sobbing, wet from tears and shaking from the whole experience. I know she is dramatic, but seeing her in this much emotional pain broke my heart.

"What happened, what's wrong" I asked her as she sat shuddering in fetal position on my lap.
Without a word, she handed me her white slip. She remained inconsolable about an hour.

First grade is really getting tough.

I reassured her that I loved her, but I needed to know what happened so we could talk about it. These are some things she told me.

Aspen: "I found a bag of candy in my pocket and when I took it out it spilled on the floor because there was a hole in the bag". Unlucky for her, this act occurred while the school Superintendent was reading her class a story- oops- double whammy!
Me: "You know your not supposed to bring candy or other things from home to school, right? Where did this candy come from"?
Aspen: "It was in my pocket from Fernanda's party, I didn't know it was there"!
It's possible since we just broke out our summer clothes that were put away last fall. Sick! No wonder why the bag broke, it had been through the washer and dryer without my knowledge.
Me: "Next time you find something in your backpack or your pocket, leave it there until you get home from school".
Aspen: "Okay".

Me: "It says here that you talked back to Mrs. Schmidt. Did you do this"?
Aspen: "yes" she says shaking her head.
Me: "What did you say"? I know all too well that she can be a smart mouth due to her determined self assured attitude.
Aspen: " I told her that I didn't know it was in my pocket".
Me: "So you were telling her your side of the story"?
Aspen: "Yes".
Sounds like Mrs. Schmidt did not want to hear about Aspen's side of the story. I don't blame her, a rules a rule. But had she listened, she would have known that Aspen was not "talking back", just trying to defend herself.

Me: "Why were you out of your seat and talking when you were supposed to be working"?
Aspen: "Hannah was talking to me and bugging me and I was trying to tell her to stop and she wouldn't , so I got up and went somewhere else. Then Mrs. Schmidt sent me to the back table all by myself".
Me: "If that happens again, remain in your seat and try to ignore Hannah so that she will see your example and head back to her seat, okay"?
Aspen: "But she was bugging me mom".
Me: "I know, I'm sorry. Just try to be an example next time. What else happened, because Mrs. Schmidt wrote this down twice"?
Aspen: "I poked Gabriel with a staple because he wanted to see if it hurt".
Me: "Remember it is a school rule to keep your hands and feet to yourself Aspen. This is so no one gets hurt. Even if our friends ask us to do things, we should not. Besides, you are supposed to be working in class. Please try to focus your attention on what your being asked to do by your teacher".
Aspen : "I know, but he wanted me to do it".
Next we had the 1 billionth discussion on not doing things just because our friends are doing it, or ask us to do it. I hope this concept is beginning to sink in.

Me: "Why were you not following directions from Mrs. Schmidt"?
Aspen: "I was mom"!
Me: Remember to do what she asked you the first time she asks. Mrs. Schmidt is responsible for you while you are at school. She is in charge and you need to do what she asks".
Aspen: "I don't know what I did mom"!
Me: Let's just do better at listening to Mrs. Schmidt's directions from now on, okay"?
She shakes her head yes.

If these were the reasons for the white slip, the most intense forms of punishment at school, I believe they could have been handled differently.

I think it's the end of the school year. Teachers are tired and so are students. Aspen made some poor choices, not understanding why she should not have, but the details are a little shady. I think Mrs. Schmidt had Aspen on a black list too, ever since the issue with the candy during the Superintendent's story. I know Aspen can be challenging, she's a fighter, but I also think remorse, and doing something to correct a behavior is far better then a 'criminal write-up' being sent home. Especially when Aspen's not sure what she did, or didn't do. I feel like her teacher had just had enough and wrote Aspen up without helping her understand why. Besides, white slips as I understood them, were supposed to be reserved for the dangerous, petty theft type incidences (like knives at school), not what Aspen did.

So I sent a letter to Mrs. Schmidt this morning. I hope to find out more about what happened on Friday so I can better teach Aspen. I want Aspen to realize she's still a good kid, just that she made some bad choices.

Here's my letter.

Dear Mrs. Schmidt,

I'm signing Aspen's white slip because as her mother and parent I am required to. But from what Aspen has told me, I'm not sure she even knows what actions she made that determined a white slip result. I am not certain as well. I'm writing this letter to inquire what occurred from your perspective so that her and I can better pinpoint her actions that were not in compliance with your classroom management.

It is important to me that my children respect authority figures in their life and that includes you as a teacher. But I find it difficult to navigate situations that may arise when my child has not understood why she was being punished. I know it is the end of the school year, teachers are ready to be done, as well as students. Tensions are high, children are rambunctious and stir crazy and teachers are left to pick up the pieces. Could Friday have been one of those days when Aspen pushed your buttons one to many times and you were tired of the whole day? If so, I understand and I have been in that same situation as her mother.

Honestly though, this white slip was not just a case where Aspen felt remorse for her actions, although I wish it were, but she cried sobbing tears for an hour or more completely stressed out not knowing what she did wrong. She just thinks she is a horrible-no-good-rotten kid because her teacher punished her. I know she is not and I know you also think otherwise. Could you help me understand Friday's situation a little better so that her and I can discuss it more thoroughly and so she is not as emotionally scarred from this first grade school experience.

Thank you,

Jennifer Perkins

I'm trying to be a mediator who respects both teacher and student, not just an emotionally reactive parent. She really is a good decent kid!